I am dating my husband
In fourth grade, I got in trouble with my boyfriend because he found out I had another boyfriend.Throughout high school and college, some of my relationships overlapped, and some were purely dishonest.When I really stop to think about it, I know that there’s very little chance that he’s seeing anyone who is going to be better for him than I am.We’ve removed the ownership that can come with a conventional relationship.It wasn’t until Adam and I created our arrangement that I realized I could actually have it all: commitment and freedom. I know lots of people who have very successful monogamous relationships and are really happy together.But a lot of people are challenging the conventional relationship style, and it’s working for them—just like it’s working for me.We make a point not to spend too much time with secondary partners. But that's something we've never really had to make an effort for.We can, and sometimes do become friends with them, especially if they hang around for a couple years, but we have to cut it off if it becomes more than that. Rule 3: Always get consent from the person who’s getting involved.
Rule 5: Two different lovers in one week is a little much, so we try to avoid that. Since our communication never allowed for a simple conversation about how beautiful some woman was, or how cute a guy I saw was, any amount of flirting was catastrophic. Besides, a little jealousy can be healthy, and it usually fades after a few hours to a few days.
The great thing is, once you’ve decided that you can include other people or lovers into your relationship, you can make it whatever you want.
It's up to the couple to decide what levels of involvement with secondary partners feels comfortable.
We were both always aware of the existence of other lovers, but it was clear that we were each other's favorite.
It occurred to us that we could keep the excitement and variety, and still let ourselves fall in love with each other. And since then I’ve gotten a lot of questions about how we make it work and why we would even do that in the first place.